Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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