i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
