I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
