awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
