Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
