2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize