he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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