Soap is not a condiment
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
