We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
