Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He? As in you personified your dick?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
