the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
