Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
there's paper in my vomit.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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