New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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