i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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