I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
