No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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