my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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