roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
