I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
