So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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