you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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