peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
