Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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