oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
