the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
