I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize