He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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