Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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