i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
