me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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