Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
