I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
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even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize