see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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