Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
