when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
