He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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