i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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