i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
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Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
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My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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