i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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