I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
