so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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