i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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