I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
