don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
