sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
