Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
