Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
