He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
