I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
