So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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