? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
she looked like the before picture.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
