you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
