She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
