so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
