I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
