toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
