he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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