i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
