margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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