He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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