We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
