if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
